The RULES

The Rules are simple. I’ve explained the rules many times before and most people in my circle are well aware of the rules.
You’re sitting there now asking “What rules?” The Rules I am speaking of are ‘The Rules of using a public restroom’.
Since apparently some have forgotten or maybe thought there was an amendment to the rule I thought I would re-share the rules (and the reason this rule was introduced) with you all:

1. Speaking across stall walls is specifically prohibited unless the following has occurred:
a. You have walked into the facility with me and we were in the middle of conversation.
b. You believe I am dying in my stall.
i. This rule was imposed because I do not want to be foot friends with anyone. I don’t want for you to look at my shoes and figure out it’s me and start a conversation. A public bathroom serves only 3 purposes: disposal of waste, hand washing and make-up check out/nothing in your teeth check out. 2. If you opted for the Twice Spicy Curry at lunch and now you’re figuring out what the “Twice” meant – FLUSH. FLUSH FLUSH FLUSH.
a. I don’t want to hear what is occurring
b. I don’t want to smell what is occurring
c. I don’t need to think about what is occurring.
i. I understand that we all do it. I understand that sometimes your intestines revolt against you and there is no way for you to control it. This however this is a don’t ask don’t tell situation – I am not asking so please stop inadvertently telling. 3. When you take your child into the adult restroom please keep them under control with all hands, feet, eyes and objects in your stall.
a. Looking under the stall at me is rude and is punishable by eye poking.
b. Hands put under the stall to wave or poke about is rude and punishable by smacking.
c. Bathrooms should be a place of tranquility. I don’t need to hear your kid talking about what kind of ‘poopy’ or ‘peepeey’ they just did. As well as I don’t need them making comments about what kinda ‘poopy’ or ‘peepeey’ I just did.
i. We all know the reason for this. I don’t like kids. I especially don’t like rude kids. If they’re going to be in an adult environment they need to act like adults. 4. No one likes be talking to someone on the phone, hear a flush and realize their whole conversation has been while the other party was in the can. This being said there is no reason to talk on your cell phone while doing’ your dirty business.
a. I don’t need to know what your grocery list is. I don’t need to know that your kid got an F in Math. I certainly don’t need to know about why your movement is the way it is
I realize these may seem ridiculous and unnecessary but please trust me – THEY ARE VERY NECESSARY! Follow these and nobody gets hurt.