What the last 30 days have been to me

So for those of you "Loyal" readers I have (which is like Rick and Heather). The last 30 days of my life have been have been "HARD" to say the least. I am really trying to be a loyal blogger. PLEASE stand by me. I PROMISE I will become 'REGULAR' soon.
For those of you who don't know. On October 2ND, I found out that my father had passed away. Many of you know, that my relationship with him had been "strained" for the last several years. However the news of his passing hit my life like a freight train hits a tumble weed. In case there has EVER been question I LOVED my father for the person he was, I just didn't accept him for the person he was to ME. He was an GOOD person, he just wasn't the "Father" I needed in my adult life, but he was what he KNEW how to be, which was the guy who would give anyone the shirt off his back. I know that sounds convoluted but its not. Every day since the 2ND, I live with the reality of my fathers death whether by conscience or by dreams which HAUNT me to the point of sleep by Tylenol PM and by day time illusions while walking.

BUT I DIGRESS - - A LOT.
{I have attempted to be private about my fathers death, because I while I don't feel my friends would not support me, rather my own feelings of insecurity lock me into a world of solidarity. I support what all of you COULD offer me. But feel like I need to NOT accept that (I know that sounds LAME).

So LIFE progresses and we move on. October 28Th we're having the ANNUAL Boyd Pumpkin carving party. Halloween we're taking the EVER so CUTE Amelia Trick or Treating. And from there, well, I am just trying to LIVE. Please try to keep reading and I will TRY to keep writing.